Men are more vulnerable than women, and young people are reporting more loneliness in the newest large-scale study on loneliness

A new study has been published in the scientific journal Personality and Individual Differences (Barreto et al., 2020), suggesting that for industrialized countries, loneliness is one of the fastest-growing social and health concerns.

Study participants took part in the BBC Loneliness Experiment, an online survey launched on BBC Radio 4 and BBC World Service. Overall, more than 46,000 volunteers between 16 and 99 years old from 237 countries contributed to the study.

Some of the findings in this worldwide study on loneliness:

1. Younger People are Loneliner than Older People

Surprised? While some might think of lonely in a stereotype of a senior citizen, the reality exposed by the study is that middle aged people are lonelier than seniors, and young people are even lonelier than middle aged people!

This might suggest that the problem of loneliness is getting worse over time. 

As our culture changes and with traditional social media networks making loneliness worse (see our image at the bottom of this blog post) - it seems like an intervention is needed more now than ever.

2. Men are Lonelier than Women

While all genders experience loneliness, men across all ages report a slight increase in loneliness over women. This is interesting to us at FriendMatch, as we are the only friendship service that caters to all genders - many of the other popular friendship apps cater only to women. FriendMatch has also done our own study demonstrating that our own members are just as interested in making friends with someone from another gender as from their own gender - it is clear from the BBC study that we need to bring this kind of service to more people across more categories.

3. Your Country Affects Your Loneliness Levels

Do you live in an individualistic society, where your individual success is a more important life goal than the needs of a larger group such as your extended family?  In these types of societies, which included countries such as the United States and the United Kingdom, more frequent loneliness was reported in the study than people living in more collectivistic societies (such as Guatemala).

Interestingly, a couple years back, the U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness a health epidemic in the country, and in the U.K., a Minister of Loneliness has been appointed.

For more information and statistics about loneliness, check out our fact sheets below:

Our society has changed and evolved from how it used to be, and the Internet has played a major role in this.

When it comes to how we socialize, maintain friendships, and meet new people, our online world has transformed friendships. (More on how maintaining friendships has been affected in another blog post to come!)

Nowadays, especially thanks to the efforts of online dating, meeting someone online has become completely normalized.

From this, we have evolved to accepting a new type of relationship from the online world - making platonic friends online.

Here's our roundup of some of the latest ways to meet new friends online.

1. Online Friendship Sites

How it works: Take the concept of online dating, make a few tweaks, and adjust the model for platonic friendship instead. 

Online friendship sites, (like FriendMatch!) take a proven model for meeting new people, and apply it to friends instead of romance. 

Similar to dating sites and apps, you fill out a profile online first.

Then you can browse profiles of other members, but instead of filtering by physical attributes, you will be filtering your search by other options such as location, age, hobbies, and interests.

To start a new friendship, just like with dating you must start by sending a message to those members you are interested in.

Besides FriendMatch, other friendship sites include BumbleBFF, Girlfriend Circles (women only), and Peanut.

Pros: 

• Meet new people with confidence. Unlike any other methods in this article, you can confidently message members on these sites and apps, knowing that every member registered is looking to meet new friends.
• Easy, familiar setup: Simply browse profiles and send messages to those who you think you might click with.
• Low cost. Unlike dating sites, many friendship sites are much less expensive to use, if not free. (FriendMatch is free to use, with an upgraded option that lets you send more messages daily.)
• With a dating site, once you have successfully met a match, you're done! But with friendship sites, there is no limit to how many friends you can make.
• You can make new friends nearby, locally that you can meet in person, or you can make online-only friendships if you are just looking for someone to talk to.

Cons:

• Just like with online dating, you might not meet your bff instantly. It takes time and sometimes patience, sometimes many messages and meetups to find the person you will click with. But hang in there, because the right friend is worth the effort!
• Just like any social network or dating network, you might be approached by people you are not interested in getting to know. You have the option to ignore these requests, respond with your non-interest, or block the members on most sites and apps.

2. Blogging

Nowadays, another way that some people are making new friendships online is through blogging!

How it works: Whether you are a blogger yourself, or a fan of someone else's blog, real friendships are made through blogging platforms. 

There are thousands of blogs and bloggers out there to choose from, one for every interest. Many bloggers share information about their interests, or even their daily life. You might follow a blog because the blogger has many things in common with yourself, and you enjoy following their story.

Friendships can happen through blogs when you start connecting with each other, often through the comments section first. 

In some cases, one blogger will comment frequently on a blog post, and sometimes through this, commonalities are found, and sometimes connections are formed. This leads to direct messaging, which leads to a deeper connection.

Some bloggers have different meet and greet events, where these friendships can move from online to offline, or sometimes some comments lead to other forms of messaging if a connection is made, which leads to friendship, either online only or offline. 

Pros:

• When bloggers connect with each other, through their posts it can feel like you have already gotten to know each other, and already know which things you have in common.
• Blogging can be deceptively lonely - while bloggers share highlights from their lives, being a blogger is still a unique position to hold that local friends and family will not always completley understand, so it can be really refreshing to meet with fellow bloggers who understand this way of life.

Cons:

• Unlike with friendship sites and apps, you can't always be certain that the blogger you love to follow is actually interested in meeting new friends, so it's best to build a friendship more slowly via this route.
• If you don't have a blog yourself, it might be harder to connect with a blogger you feel would make a great friend for you, because even if you share details about yourself in supportive comments on their blog posts, the blogger might categorize you as a fan and not a friend.

3. Discussion Forums and Facebook Groups

Zero waste groups and forums, vegan groups, keto groups, professional groups, pregnancy and new mom groups - there is a niche online discussion forum or Facebook group for just about every hobby or interest out there!

How it works: Start by joining a group that matches up with your interests. Here, in this group, you will find and connect with other people who share the same interests as you. You don't need to jump into narrowing down a new friend right away, but start by just participating in the discussions. Eventually, you might find that you connect with some members really well, or have more things in common with them, or perhaps live nearby them.

There are two ways to find new friends from these groups:

1) Occasionally these groups will host offline meetups and events, when you attend you might just meet some new, like-minded friends. 

2) You can also send a direct message to someone you feel you have a connection with, starting with a deeper conversation, and from there perhaps moving on to a platonic online friendship, or even meeting up for an offline, traditional friendship.

Pros:

• No need for searching profiles - you already have things in common with the people in these groups.
• Hosted group events offline give you the chance to meet new friends.

Cons:

• Similar to the other methods in this article, you can't be certain that the people you would like to become friends with are actively seeking new friendships.
• Group events and meetups can be intimidating to go to alone.

4. Instagram

Similar to blogging, friendships are now being formed right off Instagram!  Through Instagram, people often share lots of information about themselves, their lifestyle, their goals.  From this, you might start to feel like you know which people you have lots in common with, or which people you might like to get to know.

How it works: If you think someone you follow on Instagram would also make a nice addition to your social circle, start by getting to know them through Instagram. Leave comments on their posts, or reply to their Instagram stories. 

You can take it step further by sending a direct message and introducing yourself. Slowly, over time and many messages, comments back and forth, you might start getting to know each other better. From here, you have the option to suggest meeting up sometime to hang out, or just keep it as an online friendship.

Pros:

• You can go slow with meeting new friends on Instagram - if you feel like the friend-chemistry isn't working, it's easy to back out.

Cons:

• No certainty that the person you know on Instagram is actually looking to make new friends.

5. Online Classifieds Sites 

Remember, way before the Internet days, when people used to place romance ads in the newspaper classifieds? This is still happening!

How it works: Now people are usingCraigslist, Kijiji, Angie's List, even newspaper online classifieds in their search not just for romantic relationships, but for friendships!  People are now posting ads that introduce themselves, and describe what kind of friends they are seeking, in a creative way to find new friends locally.

Pros:

• You can approach with confidence - those who are posting these ads are looking for new friendships.

Cons:

• Lots of scrolling - since online classifieds sites are not designed for friendship seeking, it's not easy to filter by things like age, gender, location, and interests, as you can with friendship websites and apps.

6. Meetup

Meetup has been around for awhile, and the concept is that groups of people host offline group encounters as a chance to go out, socialize, and meet new people.

Pros:

• No planning required, just show up!

Cons:

• Going out in a group style by yourself can be intimidating.
• Not really designed for 1 on 1 friendships.

There you have it! Our list of some of the modern ways to find new friendship online. 

Did we miss any ideas? Please share in the comments below!

Recently, I moved from Australia to New York City. It was, and still is, incredibly scary and challenging. While I knew a handful of people, they were scattered between Manhattan and New Jersey, and most were friends of a friend- not my own connections. I didn’t want to pity-invited along to any event. In a city  of 8 million people, it doesn’t seem like it would be difficult to find, and make, friends but it was, and it wasn’t long before I started to feel a little bit isolated and consider a life where my only friends in the city would be the raccoons in Central Park.

Raccoons, and possible rabies, aside, I knew I had to do something about this feeling of disconnect from society, or I’d end up a lonely spinster in arguably one of the greatest cities in the world, known for its vivid social scene.

So I got to work. Thinking about how I’d made friends in my previous, Australian life, it dawned on me that not all of my best and closest friendships had been formed at school or work places- the two places I assumed were the time-honoured friend-making scenes. So, I put together a list of ways  to meet great friends in my new city.  Here are some things that worked for me:

Meetups

I discovered that going along to meet ups for something you’re interested in or passionate about is a great way to meet people. Not only are you mingling with other living, breathing hominids, but you’re also meeting people with similar interests to you, and because you have an inbuilt convo starter, you don’t need to make small talk about the local sports team or the unseasonable weather we’ve been having lately.

Book or Movie Review Clubs

Similar to meet ups, a book club or movie review club is a great way to meet people because you’re forced to not be a wallflower and to participate in the conversation. Maybe you’ll find your next bestie after you both give 50 Shades of Grey withering reviews, and bond over your shared highlighting of all the naughty parts in the book- (the only parts worth reading). The other benefit to making friends at things like this is that you’re still keeping up with your passions and hobbies. You get to keep your interests and make friends.

Helping people

Take a look around you, is someone struggling with a map or a Metrocard? Give them a hand. It won’t take much time and maybe you’re catching the same train, so you’ll have some time to chat.

This is exactly how I made a friend from Boston, after witnessing him struggle with the ticketing machine and offering my assistance.

Even if you don’t make a lifelong friend, you’ll feel good for helping someone and you’ll become well-practiced at approaching people, and with this comes confidence- good practice for more new friends!

Co-working spaces

I use a co-working space and I witnessed the blossoming of a new friendship right before my eyes recently.

Dan was casually working away at a desk in an open spaced area shared with others when Al, the eagle eye, spots some kind of gaming-card deck, the name of which is unknown to me, and asks Dan if he can “check out his deck”. Dan responds in the positive and the next twenty minutes they were dedicated to talking about the game, the styles they played and where. At the end of this brief encounter, the pair were Facebook friends and making plans to hook up to play said game in the future. While I wouldn’t advocate laying out a token of all the things you’re interested in like a weird, religious shrine for others to see and remark upon, open planned spaces encourage and foster these kinds of interactions and I have found them to be a good way to meet people.

Internet dating

I once met a group of guys out one night on the roller derby scene and as the night progressed, my best friend and I hung out with them more and more and we bonded quite quickly. Drunkenly insisting one of our new found pals couldn’t possibly make the late night commute to his home- in another town an hour away, we forced the poor guy to spend the night on our too-small couch. Waking in the morning to see he’d since left but had neatly folded his sheets and blankets, placing them on said couch, and hadn’t made off with our TV, made us think he was an ok guy. Later on in the day, I’m flicking through potential suitors online and see someone who looks awfully familiar to our new found friend- we were a match! We thought this pretty funny and laughed ourselves silly and then we forced him to move in with us and we’ve been great friends ever since. While we were never romantic, as the site had intended in pairing us up, that person is now one of my best friends, and I’ve met other friends through him. So while internet dating can be , it’s not entirely unreasonable to use it to make friends.

A tip - while you may be tempted to invent romantic scenarios with this new person, or people, in your head- don’t. It isn’t that actively dating someone is a bad way of meeting friends, but you want your own friends and not temporary friends you’ll have to give up if the relationship doesn’t last. So you may have to sacrifice one hottie, and the relationship potential they have, in order to make, and remain, friends. .

So while it may seem daunting and an impossible task, it isn’t always doom and gloom when it comes to making friends as an adult. I hope this list has inspired you to look outside the box when it comes to making new friends. What did you think of this list? Have you tried any of these things? 

About Jamie-lee Owen

Jamie-lee Owen is a writer and raccoon lover. More of her work can be found at jleeowen.com

I stopped hanging out with my main group of friends because the guitarist of the rock band I carried equipment for was extremely condescending towards me and always wanted me to contribute money towards him buying drugs. These were toxic friends, and they saw nothing wrong with putting me down either. They also drank and smoked cigarettes and used drugs, when I was trying to quit all of these things. So I stopped hanging out with them. But almost all my friends were in this rock band and the people who worked for it.

Suddenly I had nobody to hang out with.  But it got worse.

After leaving this group, I got drunk at another friend’s house, and by the end of the night my insatiable thirst for beer resulted in me grabbing the last beer his grandfather ever brewed, while he wasn’t looking, and drinking it. My  friend found out and punched me in the face and I was banned from his house. It was at this point I realized that I needed to go to AA. I needed to become a better person and surround myself with people who could bring out the best in me.
I had gone before when I was younger, but it was because I had to for probation, and I would just wait for the meetings to be over so that I could get my sheet signed.  This time I wanted to do it right.

I was prejudiced against members of the military when I began AA, but the nicest person I met there was a Gulf War veteran with PTSD named Jeremy. He was very empathetic with everyone at the tables. I thought, “Wow, this guy actually cares when bad things happen to people he doesn’t know!” At AA I have started to care more about the joys and problems of both my new AA friends and even strangers, and to feel their emotions with them. I am also learning that a 22-year-old like myself can be friends with much older people. There are people of all ages at AA groups.

In one meeting, I was sitting with some guys my age and one older guy.  I found myself  opening up about how my dad had a seizure from getting a cerebral edema after hitting his head too many times when he was drunk. I told them, “It was not long after he got the surgery to drain it before he started drinking again and I never want to be that stupid.”

They agreed that it was pretty stupid and reassured me that I didn’t have to be like that. After the meeting a young man named Colin said, “We’re all about the same age. If you ever need anyone to hang out with, you can chill with us.” He gave me his number and the older guy told me about the three-quarters house they lived at (a place with strict rules where recovering drug addicts live) and said I should check it out. These people that I had just met suggested I come live with them! I am fortunate enough that I am sober to the point where I don’t need to live in a place like that, but it was touching to be invited.

The club where I go to most of my meetings is located in a strip mall; ironically it is right next to a liquor store. Inside there are tables topped with hard white plastic surrounded by folding chairs. In the back there is free coffee and tea set out along with tall stacks of Styrofoam cups. On the walls there are there picture frames on the wall with the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions in them and sayings such as, “Let Go and Let God”, “Willingness is the Key”, and “One Day at a Time”. There is also a print of the classic AA painting of two members of AA talking to an alcoholic on a wall.  To me this highlights the key success behind the organization – understanding people helping each other to become better.

The atmosphere at the club was so friendly and supportive. The 12^th step is to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety, so a major goal of members of AA is to help you. There is something called “The Fellowship” at AA, which means a friendly and supportive community of people with the common goal of staying sober. It is very easy to make new friends at AA because when you first get there a card is handed around and everyone puts their name and number on it so you can call people if you need help or even a friend. I realized that people often lose friends when they stop drinking and doing drugs, because they can’t afford to be around people doing things like that, or because their friends were shallow and won’t want to spend time with them unless they’re getting high or drunk. Members of AA are very willing to spend time with you outside of the club because they understand that newly sober people need sober friends.

Before and after meetings everyone hangs out in the court to talk or smoke cigarettes. I don’t smoke anymore but this is where I really got to know a lot of people. One of my best friends at AA is John, a tall skinny 27 -year-old with brown hair and ears that stick out really far.

I think one reason why it was easier to make friends in AA is that the 4^th step in AA is taking moral inventory, assessing when you were good or evil. During meetings people often confess to doing bad things in the past, and judging others is called “taking someone else’s inventory” and is considered useless and self-defeating. Anyone can be themselves in AA and will be shown compassion, in fact honesty is strongly encouraged as opposed to hiding faults like one would need to elsewhere.

I don’t have a car because for several years I had terrible priorities. At AA people often have lost the privilege to drive because of DUIs, so people often give each other rides. I have made many friends by being driven home by people. One of them, Joe, became my sponsor. Joe drives John and me home after the 10:00 P.M. meetings sometimes, which are my favorite meetings because that’s the one most of my friends go to.  Joe is really funny and cool and I count on him for advice on important issues.

I got a job because of AA and I also made two new friends, my bosses Bill and Charlie. I mentioned that I didn’t have a job at one point when we were standing around in the court where people smoke. A 50-year-old named Charlie told me that he was a roofer. He offered to train me to be a roofer and the first day he came and picked me up he talked for a while and I learned a lot about him. He used to be a millionaire because he ran a huge roofing company. Then he lost everything because of the 2008 Wall Street crash and the Great Recession. It turns out the road I live on is named after his family! While I was working with him I met one of his business partners who also goes to AA, a 69-year-old named Bill. Bill and I have become very good friends and he says that one of his favorite times of day is when he is driving around with me to go to various jobs and pick things up from Home Depot. We talk a lot and can relate to each other very well even though there is a 47-year age gap.

I am extremely glad that I started going to AA on regular basis. I have made about ten new friends in just four months and I am making more all the time. Every day I can go hang out with people, there are several meetings a day so that I never have to be alone. In these past four months I’ve gotten a job and a girlfriend, two things I haven’t had in a long time. Ditching my toxic friends and lifestyle and deciding to make new friends and a healthier lifestyle by going to Alcoholics Anonymous was one of the best choices I’ve ever made.*

 -Submitted by Michael Ericson

*NB. All names have been changed in this story.

More and more statistics are showing that spending more time with friends will not only make you happier, but healthier as well. 

As more research is emerging, it is becoming apparent that friendship can be one of the best things for your health. 

Here are some interesting stats:

Spending time with friends was shown to reduce the risk of heart disease by 29 %.

Spending time with friends has been shown to reduce the risk of stroke by 32 %. 

More stats to come!

Why are people using the Internet to make friends?

"It's not as easy to make and keep friendships today as it used to be," says FriendMatch founder Katie Hartle, "people are looking to the Internet to solve this problem."

In the UK, a "National Campaign to End Loneliness" was created.

In the USA and Canada, the rising epidemic of loneliness is increasingly being covered in the news.

The impact of loneliness is more than just a social problem:

 Loneliness is creating an impact on the heatlh of men and women of all ages.

  Articles and studies are showing that lonely people have higher rates of inflammation and weakened immune systems, and that loneliness can increase the risk of premature death by 30%!

 In the United Kingdom, Loneliness is Worse Among Young People

 In 2010 the Mental Health Foundation found loneliness to be a worse among young people than the elderly. The 18 to 34-year-olds surveyed were more likely to feel lonely often, to worry about feeling alone and to feel depressed because of loneliness than the over-55s!

Coffees, book clubs, and dinner parties; interests of friend-seekers

In a study of 7,000 FriendMatch.com members, newly released data shows that members are using FriendMatch to make friends because they want to have more experiences: 

The main activities members were interested in:

54% of FriendMatch members analyzed would love to meet for coffee with their new friends.

23% of members are interested in joining a book club or wine club.

32% of FriendMatch members would like to have a dinner party with their new friends.

Who is making friends online:

43% of FriendMatch members are women between the ages of 18 - 29.

At the time of the study, Women made up approx. 63% of all FriendMatch members.

 Friend-seekers come from around the world, but the top three countries for members on FriendMatch, in order are:

1. United States  2. Canada  3. United Kingdom.

About FriendMatch.com

FriendMatch is an online service to help you meet real new friends, from your neighborhood or from around the world.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Unless you are suffering at Christmastime, in which case you might want to jam stockings up your ears to avoid hearing one more overly-joyful overly-played holiday jingle!

The reality is that Christmas can be hard for some people. Really hard.

Anna and John Wilkins have not celebrated Christmas in years. After their daughter was suddenly killed in a car crash one year, the season of merriment has not yet appealed to the couple. 

"All those meaningful family traditions we had have just become painful reminders of Susie, and of everything that we have lost and missed since we lost her," explains Anna, who along with her husband, no longer puts up decorations, and actively avoids the holiday.

 Mourning the loss of a family member or friend can make the forced-cheerfulness and consumerism of the holiday season feel especially empty and meaningless.

There are other reasons for feeling sad at Christmas too.  Any struggle is amplified at Christmas, and add to that shorter days and a higher rate of Seasonal Affected Disorder, and things only get worse.

Whether it's a breakup, you're living alone in a new city, or if you are facing a struggle with a disease like cancer, advertisements that are constantly showing us happy scenes of perfect families can sometimes only show us what we are missing and enhance the pain from the season.

Even people without extraordinary struggles can feel worse at Christmas - sometimes money is tight, and with the super-high expectations of gifts, food, alcohol, and attending events demanding all these things, the cash-strapped can feel especially poor in a season of plenty.

Sometimes rebelling against a "traditional" Christmas is just the thing to do. 

If you must stay home

Listen to talk radio or a podcast

Radio has been described as one of the most personal forms of media. 

Even in today's modern Internet era, this is still true.

On a radio talk show or a good podcast. the host speaks directly to you. 

Radio programmers know that their listeners are usually listening alone, and the result is an intimate experience where you might feel comfortable and familiar with some of your favourite hosts, as if they are dear friends. 

A good radio show or podcast can be good company and good entertainment at the same time - a nice distraction from Christmas!

With podcasts, you can listen to entire marathons of your favourite programs, so if you are up all night, at least you are in good company!

Some great podcasts to try:

The NoSleep Podcast If you like horror fiction and radio drama, you will love this podcast! Short horror stories produced and narrated in a dramatic style - so much fun!

Myths and Legends Like most podcasts, you can listen to this one in any order. Learn the original versions of folk and fairy tales like Cinderella and King Arthur from narrator Jason who relays the stories with a dry and slightly sarcastic wit that is most entertaining while also being handy for conversation starters.

Take a walk or a hike

Look at the Christmas lights. Create background stories for the scenes you come across - the families rushing off laden with gifts and food, the happy reunions.

Hint - A casual glance towards a home's happy-window-Christmas-scene, with its lit-up tree and jammed full of revelers as you walk by is okay.  Try to avoid standing in front of any houses and staring straight into the window though, no matter how interesting the back story appears to be!

However, if peeking into many worlds of family togetherness is distressing and not amusing, skip the neighbourhood walk and go to a park or nature area instead.

Adopt a pet, a furry friend who is also lonely this Christmas.

Give it the best day ever. Take it on your winter walk. Feed him treats. If you can't commit to adopting a pet, there are many shelters who are desperately seeking "foster" parents - so foster a dog or cat for awhile.  They make great company!

Do a puzzle

If your mind is distressed, sometimes it can help to focus on an engaging task. 

Celebrate the way people of other faiths do..

Enjoy a nice meal at a Chinese restaurant.  Catch a movie a the theatres. (No one will see you alone in the dark theatre!)

Pull an Ebeneezer Scrooge (post-ghostly visits)

Spread joy to any less-fortunate souls you see that day. Load up some coffee gift cards, pack paper bags with treats, and offer them to anyone you see, who looks like they are having a worse Christmas than you.

Read to seniors

Many seniors living in these places have a lonely Christmas - sometimes they are not able to leave the care of their institution, and so they are without their families. Many of these seniors have lost many friends, maybe their spouse, and family members.

But you can still bring a little kindness into a senior's holiday. a nice old fashioned Christmas story.

Yes, it's festive, but giving kindness to someone lonely might just give you that needed feeling of classic joy this Christmas!

Make arrangements with a hospice, personal care home, or retirement village. Choose a classic novel or an old-fashioned book with a historic storyline that might bring a senior back to a simpler time that they might remember fondly. 

Many seniors, besides having a lonelier holiday than many, also have long given up hope for reading books. Vision loss and decreased mobility make it hard to turn pages and read. 

But stories are special, calming, and entertaining!  You can read to a senior one-on-one, or make arrangements for a microphone, and arrange with the care home staff to give a reading to a crowd on Christmas.

One great book choice for seniors? Try Christmas with Anne and other Stories, a wonderful Canadian collection of festive short stories set in the early 1900s. 

Use FriendMatch to connect with a new friend

Come onto FriendMatch and find someone else in the world who feels the same way you do.

If you can escape your town

Sometimes the easiest way to avoid your troubles is to just run away from them! 

Okay, that might not be the most responsible statement, but sometimes a temporary but instant solution is simply needed.  And December 24 is one of the cheapest days for air travel!

Here are some ideas for how to escape whatever is bothering you this Christmas:

Go Skiiing

Picture it; the pristine Canadian Rockies, fresh, sparkly powdery snow, the lifts are running, and they are drastically less busy than they will be in a few weeks. 

Christmas is the perfect season for skiing, and everyone has their favourite ski destination. 

Sure, you'll see a lot of snow and Christmas trees, but that doesn't mean you can't spend the whole day on the glorious mountain, and enjoy the frostiest beers and whatever meal you like in front of a warm fire apres-ski.

Go to the Beach

One year, Peter's wife left him right before the holoidays.

He was devastated, "I couldn't stand all the "merry this" and "good cheer" that when I felt so hearbroken, I had to get away.  And more than that, I didn't want to face my entire extended family at our usual gatherings and explain what had happened. I still didn't understand it myself!"

On a whim, Peter booked himself a week at a resort in Mexico.

Now married again, Peter and his wife spend every second Christmas away from home.

"Travelling at Christmas has become a new tradition to look forward to. We always go somewhere new and exciting, and we take advantage of great airfare and resort prices before the rush!"

It's even easier to forget about Christmas when you are sitting under a hot sun, drinking a margarita and reading a new book, (Self-care!) or snorkeling...

..or whatever you love to do when all your responsibilities are waiting patiently for you at home.

It can also be much cheaper to travel to a hot destination like Mexico for Christmas time - after the holidays, the rates for sun holidays go straight up.

Head to a city with Great Nightlife

If you want to be alone, but you don't want to feel alone, a good solution is to spend Christmas in a buzzing party city.  

Head to Miami for tons of culture, and a perhaps slightly toned-down version of a vibrant nightlife - in some places in the world, the streets are filled with music, art, and people - all kinds of interesting characters - to keep you company.  Grab a seat on Ocean avenue, order an iced coffee or a cuba libre and soak up the energy as you people-watch.

Other options of this sort include the French Quarter in New Orleans, Reykjavik in Iceland, and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Do your neighbours give you funny looks when you try trick or treating? 

If you're all grown up, but young at heart when it comes to Halloween, there's good  news!

There are lots of ways to celebrate Halloween with friends as grownups, when you're too old to trick or treat.

Here's some of our ideas! Got more ideas? Share below in the comments!

Get Crafty!

Get together and create a Halloween craft (see our post Crafting with Cocktails for ideas!). This can be as simple as carving a couple of pumpkins, or do what we all do - find something elaborate on Pinterest to replicate!

Have a Halloween-themed Potluck

Encourage everyone to stick to the theme for a memorable dinner party. This also works great for an appetizers and dessert party. Costumes optional!

Horror and classic Halloween movie marathon

There are so many good horrors to choose from, from classic Alfred Hitchcock and Stephen King movies to modern trilogies like Saw or Paranormal Activity, or just play a marathon of the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episodes if you like your horror served lightly with comedic relief!

Go for a Walk 

On Halloween, there is an extra energy in the air. In many areas, the air is just a bit crisp, and houses and neighbourhoods are brightly lit and inviting, the excitement of so many costumed kids (and grownups!) adds a real air of festivity to the evening. 

If you miss the days when you could go trick or treating, you can still experience the energy of Halloween by taking a walk with a friend. You'll enjoy the sights and sounds while getting a nice workout and good company.  If you're feeling really brave, visit your nearest historic cemetery!

After the walk, treat yourselves to some chocolate from the candy bowl or go for coffee! 

Take a Ghost Tour

There are so many of these around, there is probably one in your neighborhood.

Not only are these tours a fun way to celebrate the season, they usually highlight the most interesting local history that you probably never learned in school!  

Kick off your tour with warming cocktails or cap it off with hot chocolate or a pint at the nearest haunted pub.

Team up with Friends and Make the Ultimate Haunted House!

Remember that one house on the block as a kid, the one that went all out on Halloween? The fog, the sound effects, the costumed adult jumping out at you?

As an adult, you now have the power to be that person!

If you love Halloween, horror, and getting creative, team up with a friend or friends and create the ultimate trick or treating experience at one of your houses. When the trick or treating is done, kick back with some well-earned snacks, drinks, a horror flick, and leftover candy of course!

Throw a Halloween Party

This option is always on the table! It's probably one of the easiest parties to throw - just carve some pumpkins, make punch, throw on the horror sounds background and put your costume on!

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Crafting with Cocktails

In this series, we suggest cocktail and craft pairings – because getting your hands dirty and being creative is a wonderful outlet from the stresses of adulting! And getting together with your friends and a couple of cocktails makes it even better.

Fall craft idea – Glitter and painted pumpkins

This craft is so easy to do, not even mimosas will cramp your style!  All it takes is a coat of spray paint to transform your pumpkin – and you can use any type of paint or colour, making it easy to create a décor scheme or coordinate with other decorations.

The effect is gorgeous – get ready to gain major crafting street-cred and lots of compliments!

The drink is the ultimate fall crafting cocktail – all the fun and bubbles of champagne infused with the fall flavors of pear, ginger and sage.  It’s perfect for day drinking, and it can be prepped ahead of time so you can put all the focus on your crafterpieces!

Get your bubbles and your spray paint and let’s get started!

Supplies:

Protect your clothes – old sheets work great!

Spray paint – any colours you want.

Pumpkins!

Embellishments – gemstones or stencils

Instructions:

It’s so easy, you could even do it after a couple of cocktails!

1. Lay assorted pumpkins or squashes down newspaper
2. Put clothing-protectors on. (We used old sheets with holes cut out - classic ghost costume!)
3. Pour Pear Ginger Sage Champagne Cocktails.
4. Spray paint those pumpkins! Don’t forget the stem!

Optional – Add glitter, or gemstones, or stencil on patterns.

5. Pour more cocktails while painted pumpkins dry.  Nibble on autumn-inspired hors d'oeuvres.

Food and Drink Suggestions:

Sipping:

Pear Ginger Sage Champage Cocktails

Get this fabulous seasonal cocktail recipe here from Dishing Up the Dirt.

(It's FriendMatch Test-Kitchen approved!)

Nibbling:

Make use of what's fresh and seasonal. Lots of beautiful vegetables are available now fresh and locally, so take advantage - sprinkling fresh herbs also on everything when possible.

Try grilled cheese-stuffed peppers, use a mix of sweet peppers and jalepenos, stuff them with soft cheese, (goat cheese or cream cheese will do nicely), then drizzle in honey and sprinkled with thyme.

What's Gaby Cooking! breaks down how to serve a gorgeous crudité platter, a beautiful way to make use of fresh veggies. Check out her tips here.

If you're looking for something more filling, a cheese plate, rounded out with fresh seasonal fruits, local honeys, nuts and seeds, is another good option.  We love the Cheese platter from Seven Layer Charlotte - check out her tips on perfecting the cheese tray here. 

More Fall Crafts Inspiration

Want to do something different with your beautiful pumpkins?  

Try stacking them into a pumpkin-witch, or make some creative jack-o-lanterns.   

The spa-day pumpkin, the shark pumpkin, and the hamburger pumpkin were all on display at a Halloween event at the Grand Wailea Resort in Maui, but you could replicate them at home! 

 Pin it!

This year for Thanksgiving, why not fit in an extra celebration with friends?

Instead of repeating the traditional feast, (turkey burnout!?) make it a culinary adventure with this exciting and healthy raw plant-based menu. It's high in vitamins and low on calories, so there's more room for extra (organic) wine and pumpkin pie topped with coconut whipped cream! 

This is the raw menu from the cookbook, "Living Raw Food," by Chef Sarma Melngailis.  

This Thanksgiving menu was also served at Sarma's raw restaurant in New York City for Thanksgiving. 

Note that you need a food dehydrator to make the recipes. 

The Menu

Serves 10 - 12 guests

Marinated mushrooms (can use dark and light for two-toned "meat")

Mashed root vegetables

Stuffing

Cranberry sauce

Brussels sprouts

Organic red and white wine

Vegan pumpkin pie with raw vegan whipped cream

The Scene

Think natural as a decor theme. Set your table with seasonal produce and simple candles in mismatched-sized jars. Decorate your house with a generous number of wildflower bouquets, and be sure to mix grasses, cat tails, and berry branches into the bouquets if you can. With all the time saved on cooking this meal, you will extra time to go for a nature walk and gather these supplies!  (Or your nearest farmer's market.)

The Recipes

From the cookbook, "Living Raw Food."

You can make all of these recipes one day ahead, and just warm everything up in your dehyrdrator 30-40 minutes before serving!

Marinated Mushrooms

1 medium onion, diced

2 cups olive oil

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

2 tablespoons minced rosemary

3 tablespoons each, minced sage and thyme

1 tablespoon sea salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

10-12 large portobello mushroom caps, cleaned and sliced thick on the diagonal

4-5 large king oyster mushroom stems, sliced thick on the diagonal (use extra portobellos if unavailable)

Combine all ingredients except mushrooms in a large bowl, whisk til well mixed.

Add mushrooms to the marinade and coat well. Set aside to marinate for 10-15 minutes. 

Place mushrooms on a teflex-lined sheet in your dehyrdator and allow to dehyrdate until the mushrooms become tender and look roasted, 1-2 hours. 

Mashed Root Vegetables

4 cups pine nuts, soaked 1 hour or more

2 cups water

4 cups celeriac, peeled and chopped

5 cups jicama, peeled and chopped

1.5 cups parsnips, peeled and chopped

2 cups olive oil

4 tablespoons nutritional yeast

2 tablespoons lemon juice

2 tablespoons truffle oil

1 cup scallions, white and pale green parts, chopped

20 turns fresh ground pepper

2 teaspoons sea salt

In a blender, puree the pine nuts and water until smooth and creamy.

Place the puree in a large bowl, add all the remaining ingredients, mix well.

Pour 1 cup pine nut cream and 3-4 cups of the vegetable mixture into a food processor and process until smooth. Set aside in a large bowl and continue with the remaining pine nut cream and vegetable mixture. 

Stir the mixture well and let sit for at least 2 hours to allow any liquid that forms to pool on top.

Pour off the liquid. If it's still a bit runny, place the mixture on a clean kitchen towel and gently squeeze out any excess liquid. Transfer to a bowl and season with additional sea salt to taste.

Brussels Sprouts

1/4 cup pistachio oil

1/2 cup olive oil

1/2 cup maple syrup

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 teaspoon fresh ground pink pepper

5 cups Brussels sprouts

In a large bowl, whisk together the oils, maple syrup, salt and pepper.

Remove discolored outer leaves from the Brussels sprouts, and cut off the hard stems. 

Some leaves will separate from the core. Continue cutting away the hard interior until the sprout is entirely separated into individual leaves, placing the leaves into the oil mixture as you separate them. Repeat with the remaining Brussels sprouts

Toss the sprouts mixture and marinate for at least 30 minutes. Alternatively, for more tender Brussels sprouts, place them on a Teflex-lined tray in the dehyrdator for up to 45 minutes. You can also do this just before serving so that they will be warm.

 Stuffing

4 cups chopped cauliflower florets

2 tablespoons olive oil

sea salt

8 cups ground pecans, ground to a crumbly texture in the food processor

2 cups carrots, peeled and diced small

2 cups celery, diced small

2 cup onion, peeled, diced small

1 teaspoon truffle oil

2 tablespoons rosemary, minced

3 tablespoons thyme, minced

freshly ground black pepper

Place cauliflower in food processor and process until it has a texture similar to sesame seeds, with no large pieces.

Add the olive oil and a pinch of sea salt and process just until mixed.

Spread the mixture on a Teflex sheet and dehyrdate for 1 hour.

Meanwhile, mix the other ingredients in a large bowl.

Remove the cauliflower from the dehydrator, mix with the remaining ingredients, and season to taste with salt and pepper. 

Cranberry Sauce

8 ounces fresh cranberries

1/2 cup filtered water

1/4 agave nectar

2 strips orange zest

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1/4 teaspoon sea salt

about 2 cups Irish Moss, soaked in hot water for 10 minutes or more, drained

In a high-speed blender, puree all the ingredients except for the Irish moss until very smooth. 

Add the Irish moss to the blender and mix at high speed until the mixture heats up to about 115 degrees Farenheit.

Pour the mixture into a bowl or shallow pan and refrigerate at least 2 hours.

Dessert:

Raw, Vegan Pumpkin Pie - Recipe available at the Real Foods Witch blog.

Top it with raw whipping cream: 

Refrigerate full-fat coconut milk until chilled, then whip until fluffy! Add a bit of your favourite sweetner and vanilla if you'd like. 

Mmmm!

A recent study published in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships examined the relationships with friends, neighbors, and extended family members, and compared the connections that single people had versus married couples. 

They found that on average, single people spend more time connecting with friends, neighbors, and relatives than married people.

Single people are more likely to give help to, receive help from, and stay in touch with siblings, friends, parents and neighbors than those who are married.

In fact, even if someone has a divorce, they will still spend less time with friends and neighbors, suggesting that the effects of a less social lifestyle can last beyond marriage.

(And maybe we should all be reaching out to our friends who have just gone through a divorce - they might need the company more than they know!)

The study results were able to rule out other factors, like age, kids, education, and income.

So why are married couples so antisocial?

The authors of the study have a few ideas:

•  People believe that their husband/wife is their soulmate, and should fulfill all social needs
• Single people may need to make more effort to fulfill their social needs since there is no one to socialize with at home
• Another theory? Maybe this is another one we can blame on our busy, modern society!

Married people might feel that by the time work/volunteering/the gym/whatever is caught up with (which is never), there is barely time left over to put into a good marriage relationship.

What do you think?

To see the study, check out this link:

http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407515597564

If you are married, and worried that you are socializing enough, The Newlywed Handbook (written by the editors of www.thenest.com), has some advice about double dating for married couples:

Turn friendly casual friends into new couple friends 

Do you know any cool couples who might be fun to hang out with? These could be friends-of-friends, friends from work, or volunteering, or even neighbors. 

See how you all might enjoy hanging out by starting with a fun activity that gives you lots to talk about, like an "Escape Room", or a ghost tour, or a Teppanyaki - style Japanese restaurant.

Make sure both genders enjoy the company

At first, either the girls or the guys will dominate the conversations and planning - likely the person who set up the connection. But with a bit of effort, you can all enjoy good bonds with new friends at the same time.

The group time will be more satisfying if the girls and the guys get along great - so if the husbands know each other through work, the ladies should eventually make an effort to email each other, and meet for lunch or coffee without the guys too.

Expand your group again!

Four people at a dinner party is great! Three couples is even more fun! If you get four couples - eight people - now you can use your full dishes set from your registry! 

Make sure to check out our other blog post, "Social tips for Couples"!

Do you think married people are lonelier than single people?

A birthday party is the perfect excuse to invite friends over for a fun celebration and make the birthday man or lady feel extra special on their day, so don't miss out on this opportunity!

Whether you throw a party for yourself or for a dear friend, here are some ideas to make birthday celebrations special, even after the candles start crowding that cake!

Choose a Theme

All your party elements - food, decorations, activity - pull together in a delightful way when your party has some kind of underlying theme or "raison d'etre".

The theme can be all-out, like, "Hawaiian Luau", but it can also be just as effective to have a theme that is more subtle, like, "Classic Birthday Party with a Grownup Twist" (see below for ideas on this theme.)

Here are some more examples of easy theme ideas for adult birthday parties:

Pink

Fuchsia theme. Get napkins, balloons, and flowers in this color. Create a punch or signature cocktail to match. Make birthday cake, cupcakes or cookies with icing in the same color.  

Nature-Lover

Woodsy theme. Sprigs of wildflowers in mason jars. Those tree-stump cake stands. Chili bar with fixins'. Ask your guests to wear plaid.

 Fiesta Birthday

So much fun as an adult - hello big batch margaritas! 

Make margaritas, set up a taco bar, and make sure there's lots of guacamole.

Buy (or make!) a pinata and stuff it with candy. Throw some posters of Mexico up on the walls if it's cold or go out on the deck or yard if it's nice out. 

Set the Mood 

Your theme will inspire you with ideas. Decorations, music, and even real invitations can set the tone for your wonderful party.

Putting up decorations is of course completely trivial and not necessary.  THAT'S WHY IT'S SO MUCH FUN! ;)

Birthdays are special occasions, even if you are throwing the party for yourself, show yourself and your guests some love with fresh flowers on the table, or balloons up on the wall!

Plan your Menu

A theme can help you pull a menu together. 

Depending on the nature of your party, it's nice to have:

• A signature drink
• Appetizers
• A main course 
• A Birthday cake

Especially a birthday cake. It's so essential. Don't forget the candles!

If your guests offer to bring something, let them! Ask them to bring an appetizer, a side, or even the cake, and let them know about your theme. There, one less thing for you to do!

Add special touches

Even if you're throwing your own birthday party, elevate it from regular get-together level to "special birthday party level" by throwing in a special touch.

It's not very often as an adult that you get an opportunity to "play", or to be creative for no reason beyond having a few laughs. Take your birthday party as an opportunity to do something fun or creative.

Make a craft, do a painting, or set up a photo booth - because why should kids have all the fun?

Some of our Grownup Birthday Party Ideas:

Classic Birthday Party with a Grownup Twist

Remember the standard birthday party when you were a kid? So simple and fun!

Balloons, streamers, pizza, pop, and that standard birthday cake.

Take this this idea and elevate it to adult levels with minor changes:

Keep the balloons and streamers. Set up an Italian soda bar or a signature drink in place of the pop. 

Like this Birthday Cake Martini:

Keep the pizza on the menu - but make homemade pizzas with gourmet toppings.  Or fire up your own pizza oven!

Get the prettiest, tastiest birthday cake that you can find homemade or from a special bakery, and remember the candles.

Send your friends home with grown-up goody bags and good memories, old and new!

Paint Night

You can host your very own paint night at home!

For this party, nurture creativity and bright colors in your party accents. 

Grab small canvases and paints for cheap from the dollar store or that big-box store that has everything - get kids paints, they're cheap and they'll do the job, after all it's mostly for fun!

Set up YouTube on your TV in front of the painting station - you can watch full episodes of the ultimate paint-along guide, Bob Ross, and try out this drinking game...

Set your table with big blossoms for that colorful feeling, or set the whole theme based on the painting you do. (Mountain cabin in the woods?)

Have you ever celebrated with a unique birthday party?

 Simple Ways to be a Good Neighbour

There is a known rule in the community-building playbook, "Start with Petunias".

If you want to transform your neighbourhood into the kind of thriving, safe, attractive, and pleasant community, it's best to start small. Plant flowers. 
Here are seven more small, simple things you can do to make your neighbourhood amazing:

1. Spend More Time in Your Front Yard or Front Step  

Jay Walljasper, in his book, "The Great Neighborhood Book", describes sitting on your front stoop a

"great city pastime that has become endangered", and notes that some historians feel that when we spend more time in the backyards, instead of our front yards, we are decreasing our connection with our neighbours. 

What are some ways to pass time in our front porch or steps? Watch the world go by, read the newspaper, have a beer, and wave at your neighbours! 

2. Go for Neighbourhood Walks  

You know that quote about how showing up is 99% of the effort you must put in? By strolling your neighbourhood, you are showing up, and that does a lot.

Not only is this good for your health, but it's good for the health of your community. When a community has locals taking regular walks, it is like having a neighbourhood patrol. An active and engaged neighbourhood is a neighbourhood that is monitored and safe - criminals usually prefer to go somewhere more quiet and deserted looking. 

3. Welcome New Neighbours

An old-fashioned tradition worth reviving! Drop by with a basket of muffins and introduce yourself.  Share helpful information about the neighbourhood. 

4. Celebrate Holidays and Seasons  

It's easy to get caught up in the chaos of everyday life, but the holidays and seasons are a good chance to be thoughtful and to brighten your community. 

The Great Neighborhood Book has many suggestions for ways to embrace the holidays and seasons; 

• Swap seedlings from your garden in the spring
• Organize a special trick-or-treat experience for the children at Halloween
• Coordinate Christmas decorations around the block with your neighbours - make ice lanterns, or decorate all the lamp posts.  
• Organize a caroling night complete with cookies and cocoa after.
• Make note of #5! 

5. Give Small Gifts  

Gifts for neighbours do not have to be elaborate but they are so rewarding to give! 

A basket of extra tomatoes from your garden will surely be appreciated by your neighbour who doesn't keep a garden.  Use your big snowblower to do your elderly neighbour's walkway. A box of homemade cookies. An offer to collect mail while your neighbour is on vacation.

Everyone has a gift to give. 

Be thoughtful with small gifts, and don't be surprised when you start receiving surprises and gifts too!

6. Take Your Kids to the Park  

It's another tried and true, old-fashioned action. Why mess with success? 

And if your neighbourhood park isn't that great... developing one might be a great project to pull together the community! 

7. Make it Great for Pets

Some green space, a safe walking path, a community water dish - according to Walljasper, a dog-friendly neighbourhood will have dog-walkers out at all hours. This is a wonderful way to prevent crime and meet new people.

Group trip? Consider renting an amazing house

There are some beautiful dream homes on Airbnb, and through other services such as Luxuryretreats.com, and dreamexoticrentals.com, you can rent an amazing mansion in a beautiful travel destination.

Once you split the cost among a group of friends, it can be very comparable to staying in a hotel or all-inclusive resort - sometimes it's even a much better value.

In some rentals, like this house rental that sleeps 24 and is priced between $1,500 - $5,940 per night, there is even a private chef included!

See the rest of this listing here: http://www.luxuryretreats.com/vacation-rentals/mexico/riviera-maya/soliman-bay/hacienda-caracol-111850 

Remember to take some good group photos

You don't have to do this for every meal, activity, or even day, but try to put aside a bit of time to take a couple of group photos, with everyone in the shot!  You will treasure these photos for years after your vacation. 

Or, just post them on Instagram, whatever makes you happy.

Don't do Everything Together on vacation

Whether you are a group of friends or a group of couple friends, it's important to put aside time for people to do their own activities and to get some time for themselves. 

This gives everyone a chance to rest for the next adventure!  Some friends might prefer to take a nap in the day, while another friend might prefer time to do a workout.

Couples who are vacationing with friends might appreciate a romantic dinner or excursion on their own once or twice.  If you mix up group and solo activities, everyone can spend their vacation doing what they love.

 Plus, if you are all together every second, you might run out of new things to talk about!  

As a recent article in Forbes online put it, "Not every activity needs to be a group activity." 

If you don't want to do an activity on vacation - skip it!

This is a bit like the above point, but it's important for group harmony.

If you would rather sit by the pool than go to an art gallery, let your friends know you'll catch up at dinner. You'll be better company if you are happy and relaxed than dragging your feet!

Have a planning meeting before the trip

Planning a trip is part of the fun! Meet before the trip to talk broadly about what kind of vacation everyone is hoping for. This will really help to make sure that everyone can get the kind of vacation that they want.

Maybe one friend wants to spend a good chunk of time sitting on the beach, while another wants to explore and sight-see. Talking about it ahead means no surprises while travelling!

You can also make the larger decisions about the trip while together in person to discuss it, ideally.

Talk about money before the trip

Because who wants to talk about money while on vacation? For ultimate harmony, Sonia Prades in an interview for Hindustan Times suggests that you work out a fair split of the major expenses; accommodation, transportation, and groceries.  

Other expenses, such as entertainment, drinks, and restaurants, should be individual expenses, not group expenses.

Keeping friends is easy when you don't split every cheque!

One more thing about Money and other details ..

Don't worry, be happy!  Tell yourself that anytime you feel a bit annoyed that one friend seems to tip less, or eat more, or whatever annoying quirks..  Just remind yourself that you're on vacation, so you will not let little things bug you!

If you don't like a behaviour of one of your travel companions, just be the bigger person and lead by positive example!

Be the friend you want to have - and that includes extra patience sometimes!

Do you know that problem you have as a couple where you just can't find something to watch on Netflix?

Wait a minute!  Maybe it's time to call up some mutual friends and go out! (With any luck, your friends will have some suggestions for new shows to watch..)

If you're wondering what a healthy, active and fun-filled social life might look like for a married couple, here is an infographic that can help you plan your free time and social life as a couple. 

What do you think of this schedule? Is it realistic for you?  Chime in below!

Studies suggest people in their 20s and 30s are lonelier than seniors

In 2010, The Mental Health Foundation in the U.K. found that loneliness was a bigger problem among the young than the old.  The 18-34 year-olds in an extensive study were more likely to feel lonely often, to worry about feeling alone and to feel depressed because of loneliness than those over 55.

Lynn Renwick would agree. Renwick runs a drop-in to help lonely youth in Newcastle, England in the summer, “Loneliness is not just an issue for older people in our community and many young people come to us for help to socialise with other young people." She said in an article for NE Connected online. 

So, if young people are lonelier right now than old people - how did this happen?

A look at some possible causes:

Social media makes us insecure

We're hearing about this all the time now. Numerous studies showing that rather than bring us closer, social media is making us feel more lonely and more insecure. 

A recent study shows that using Facebook makes young people feel bad. 

“On the surface, Facebook provides an invaluable resource for fulfilling the basic human need for social connection,” says U-M social psychologist Ethan Kross, lead author of the article and a faculty associate at the U-M Institute for Social Research (ISR).“But rather than enhance well-being, we found that Facebook use predicts the opposite result."

To be fair, Facebook may have these effects on young people, but it can have the opposite effect on the old!

In a study, seniors in residential care were trained to use social media and started using it to keep up with family, resulting in a decrease in their loneliness.

One lesson from this might be that Facebook will not reduce our loneliness if we use it to replace face-to-face time with our friends. According to the Lonely Society study in the U.K., spending time in-person, as in face-to-face with friends, produces the hormon oxytocin, which might be good for your heart as well as your feelings of well-being.

Young people are obsessed with being productive, even at the expense of time with friends

A recent study undertaken by the Mental Health Foundation in the U.K. found that for some young people, investing time in social activities is seen as less important than work.

People today feel pressure to be ‘productive’ and busy, and as a consequence neglect relationships with friends and family.

"Individuals pursuing aspirations in a market-driven world may be doing so at their own expense, and neglecting the basic human need to connect with others," says the Mental Health Foundation. 

There is a danger in this; making work more important for your time than friends and family is not a good choice for your health, your happiness, or even your lifespan! 

Why we need to prioritize friendships at every stage of our lives:

Spending time with friends will make you live longer

Scientists found that the loneliest were nearly twice as likely to die during their six-year study than the least lonely in a recent study. Compared with the average person in the study, those who reported being lonely had a 14% greater risk of dying. So loneliness has about twice the impact on an early death as obesity, or smoking 15 cigarettes a day!

Chicago psychologist John Cacioppo has been studying loneliness for decades, and he puts it bluntly, 

"No matter what social species you’re talking about, all the way down to fruit flies, if you isolate them they die earlier.”

Spending time with friends will make you healthier

More studies are coming out all the time showing how loneliness leads to high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, depression, heart attack and strokes.

In fact, loneliness and feelings of rejection activates the same parts of the brain as physical pain!

But those who spend time with good friends drink less alcohol, have healthier diets, and exercise more than lonely people, according to research.

Spending time with friends will make you happier

In one study, 42% of women polled felt depressed because of their loneliness. 

People who spend more time with friends find less fault with themselves and with those around them. They are significantly less likely to be depressed. In short, people who spend time with their friends are happier. 

Spending time with friends will save you money

One study showed that feeling lonely can make you spend more money, and be more frivolous in your spending. 

Maybe that's why it's called retail therapy?

On the flip side, spending time with friends is often rewarding but low cost - sure, you might go for dinner or drinks, but you can also just hang out, go to the park, go to the beach, or just have coffee - actually for more ideas, see this blog post. 

While there are some services and charities that are aimed to reduce loneliness in seniors, there are not currently such services existing for the younger generations.

Go For a Walk

It doesn’t cost anything, it’s good for your health and the changing environment and cardio activity will help your conversation flow. You can walk around in your neighborhood, a different neighborhood, a park, just about anywhere! A bike ride is also beneficial and fun!

Work Out

Kind of similar to the above. If you’re going to work out or go to the gym anyway, you might as well do it with a friend! The time will fly by, and as a bonus, having someone else working out might help inspire you to complete your full workout. After all, it’s harder to slack off if you think someone else will notice!

Hit up a Coffee Shop

Frothy cappuccinos, seasonally spiced lattés, couches, music- forget the new Starbucks drive-thru, coffee shops were made for hanging out! A good dimly lit coffee shop and good tunes is the perfect mix of relaxation and stimulation for chilling with friends! Take two hours to sip espresso and foamed milk and cinnamon while catching up with a friend, or a group of friends.

Cook

This is a fun activity to do with friends! Save on the pricey restaurant bill and hit up the nearest market for some fresh foods to cook at home. You can share a favorite recipe with your friends, or tackle a bigger, more complicated recipe together! With everyone assigned to chopping or mixing, or pouring of wine, you will develop a real sense of camaraderie and teamwork together- and in the end you can all sit down to a great home cooked meal! No tipping required.

Go for Dessert

So you’ve had your dinner already with your spouse or partner, and now are settling into routine. That leaves room for dessert! Head to the trendiest place in town, even a pricey dessert will only be a fraction of the cost of a meal out. Order the yummiest thing on the menu plus some coffee or herbal tea, and revel in the fact that if you share, you’re sharing the calories too. Scrumptious.

Help Each Other

Go to your friend’s house and help him paint his fence. Next weekend, he’s coming to your place to stain your deck. For the price of beers you have extra labour and the encouragement to get lots more done. You’re both happy because you get to cross things off your list, and chores never seem so hard when you’re hanging out with friends. Everybody wins!

Game Night!

Gather a couple of friends, or a couple of couples, and invest in a board game. There are so many out there now. Some classics are charades, Taboo, Scattegories. There are great newer games out there too, like Cranium, and several hilarious “Battle of the Sexes” games. Or go all out and get a Murder Mystery game, costumes and all. Snacks can be as casual as a couple bowls of chips and some pop to as elaborate as an appetizer potluck.

Do Your Grocery Shopping Together

This is better with just one friend otherwise it could get a little chaotic. Ever feel like you’re always coming home with the same things? So what if you have your grocery shopping down to a lean routine? Getting the task done with your friend can introduce you to new foods, and maybe even some tips and tricks. It’s also a neat chance to learn more about your friend. What kinds of meals does your friend plan? What great deals can you learn about? You might pick up ingredients for your classic steak marinade, and your friend might try it too. Maybe he has a favorite brand of yogurt you didn’t know about it. Maybe she has a healthy go-to snack you could try. At the very least it could offer some new insights on your own shopping habits. And isn’t self-discovery fun too?

Have a Spa Day

OK, admittedly, this one is probably more appealing to the ladies. Gather around at a friend’s. Bring your bathrobes and slippers and concoct your own beauty treatments- there are tons of home-made face masks, scrubs, and creams on the Internet, like these. Munch on healthy spa food an apple ginger cooler or grilled veggie wrap found here. Don’t forget the cucumber slices for the eyes!

Bowling

Why? Because almost anyone of any age can do it, the food is cheap and so are the drinks, and it’s fun! So there you have it, some ideas to get you started. More activity ideas

Have a Bonfire

I'm pretty sure this simple pleasure has been enjoyable for thousands of years by us humans!  It's a great way to connect, and easy to do! Pass the marshmallows!

Go to the Beach

Guaranteed fun!  Who doesn't love the beach? Fill a beach bag with sunscreen, waters, snacks, and a frisbee, a soccer ball, or a bocce ball set and you'll be entertained for hours!

All types of people are choosing to be their own boss, and reaping many benefits.

I'm sure there is a lot of "office life" that these professionals do not miss- the grumpy boss, the strict hours, the politics.

But working at a company does offer one big perk- the chance to meet lots of people and make friends.

If you are self-employed, here are some tips to keep networking, making new connections, and meeting friends and new people.

Network within your industry

Join a networking group.  All kinds of industries have these networking groups, from the Canadian Public Relations Society for people in PR to the AIGA for graphic designers in America with 67 chapters across the country, to the ISPA organization that brings together people in the Internet industry in the UK, there's something for everyone!

These groups normally cost a small, tax deductible fee for membership, which will make you part of a community of professionals in your industry.  They often host networking events and workshops, great for business growth, networking, and meeting with other professionals like yourself!

Attend trade shows with business cards, conversation topics, and a positive attitude

Make it a goal to network with one person each week, meet for a coffee or lunch and talk about work, compare notes, or learn how to help each other

Host your own networking event.  For example, throw a drop-in holiday party for others in your industry, both clients and competition

Participate in Learning Opportunities

Sign up for a class that can give you new skills in your work, e.g. accounting, or presentations

 Join skills groups such as Toastmasters, a very social organization that helps you to build public speaking confidence, and also hosts conferences

Subscribe to news feeds from local organizations that support entrepreneurs in the community, for example the Women's Entrerepise Network, which regularly hosts workshops and networking events for entrepreneurs

Work out of a Shared Co-op workspace instead of home

These office buildings bring entrepreneurs together, allowing you to rent a cubicle and share the services of an administrative assistant, working alongside other self-employed business people

Be Charitable

The networking trick that keeps on giving, find something that inspires you and give back some time by becoming a volunteer!

I know someone who is a contractor, but would volunteer to be the bbq-er at an annual women's sports tournament, it was a great opportunity to have lots of conversations, show off his competence (he always ended up doing some kind of handy man thing, like help to set up a tent, or fix a sign), and spread the word about his services in a fun environment.

You've got your new house, your new driver's licence, your new job. But your real estate agent probably didn't help you to make new friends from your new neighborhood!  If you are wondering how to meet new people after you move- or maybe you didn't move, but you'd still like to expand your social network- here are a couple of ideas!



Volunteer for something you care about
This is a great way to meet new people.  As a bonus, the people you meet here probably care about the same things you do, making a great spark for a friendship. There are all kinds of volunteering opportunities out there, at animal shelters, working with seniors, neighborhood beautification committees, coaching sports, planning fundraising events, there are almost as many opportunities as interests so it's easy to find something that you might enjoy!

 Get a Part-Time Job
Maybe you don't need a job. Well, you can always lose the job and keep the friends you make there! Sometimes serving tables or pumping gas can be a handy way to make new friends, as you bond with coworkers and meet people in the neighborhood without worrying about office politics or taking work home with you.  (BTW, this is the only idea of the five that actually pays you money.)

Join a Community Class
If you are a new parent you could try a "Mommy and me" class to meet other new parents- there is a strong chance that other people will be there solo as well, and you'll already have something in common.  Or take a zumba class and have a laugh while you bond over the shared experience.  Try a painting class and meet other aspiring artists.  A chance to learn something and meet people at the same time!

Start walking or jogging around your new neighborhood
By walking around, not only will you familiarize yourself with your new neighborhood, but you can also observe who else is in the community.  Go frequently and you might start passing by your neighbors, noting which ones are similar to you in age, or in interests.  If  you pass some neighbors frequently, it is only a matter of time before you become familiar to each other, and then the next step is getting to know each other!

Join a Sports Team
It doesn't have to be serious or competitive. Casual or "beer" leagues exist for all age groups and all levels of experience.  Today's "soccer mom" might be defined as a woman who plays soccer, as in some places participation in women over 35 is rising rapidly.  Baseball beer leagues are always looking for more players, both men and women.  It's fun, and it is a chance to meet a whole team of potential new friends!


Have you found an effective way to meet new people? Please share in the comments below!

One thing that can be said about The Sims, the game did put a lot of value on friendship!

Friendship has always been a powerful tool in The Sims, and to do well in its simulated life, a Sim should pursue new friendships and maintain old ones. When this happened, a Sim's career, health, and happiness all did better! 

Some more tips learned from The Sims:

Friends and Fun are as important as Eating and Sleeping.

Yup, when maintaining your sims health and happiness, the bar that measured input for fun and social activities carried as much weight as the bar that measured if your sim was hungry, tired, or had to go to the bathroom. 

With recent studies coming out to show that good friendships actually do make people live longer, healthier, happier lives, they must have been on to something!

Friendships are like plants; if you don't water them, they die.

Ah, the poetry of The Sims.  Through metaphors, we were taught that we must work actively to maintain our friendships - that means calls, visits, and good quality time.  It's a simple formula, but still probably more effective than just liking your buddie's Facebook posts..

It's nice to share gifts sometimes.

Remember when your sim would get a visit from a friend, and that friend would coming bearing a small gift, like a plant or some chocolates?  That gift was always happily received!

While the Sims were at one time pretty traditional in their gifts, there are so many small gifts we can bring when visiting our friends - some fresh produce from your garden, in a little basket, a batch of homemade cookies, a funny souvenir from your vacation - surprise and delight your real-life friends with small gifts from time to time, and you, too, can be a good friend like your old sim neighbours and friends!

Your friends can help you reach your career goals.

In the Sims, to get that next promotion, there was always a friends requirement. (Unless you had a good cheat code.)

In real life, friends can help you with your career too - they can help you find a job, volunteer for your company event, or just be there to listen to you complain about your boss.  

That can't be all of them!

What did I miss? Comment below!